Pacing - part 3/3
Putting It All Together
In previous posts, I talked about the general principles for pacing and some specific strategies for how to budget energy. I talked being mindful about how much energy is available, and how pacing ourselves can allow us to use limited energy on the things that matter to us. The budgeting worksheets from the last post (and below) can help us get more clear about our priorities and the costs of doing different activities. But ultimately, it’s on us to make choices that work for us.
No One Right Answer
It gets complicated, and there are a lot of factors. For instance, I had a conversation recently with someone about using grocery store scooters. They have chronic pain that’s made worse when walking distances, but they’ve never used one of the scooters the grocery store makes available. Why not? Mostly pride, they told me - they didn’t want to be seen like that. There were also very reasonable hesitations, like the negative attention people give anyone with a mobility device and the challenges of navigating narrow aisles.
But ultimately, they had a few options, and none of them were great. They could walk through the grocery store anyway, knowing what it would cost in pain and energy. They could get someone else to do the shopping as in curbside pickup or delivery. Or they could use every tool at their disposal to pick out their own produce with less pain, and take the scooter.
It’s all pros and cons and figuring out what makes sense for you. For someone like me who's not very picky at all about what groceries end up in my pantry, curbside pickup makes sense. For someone who gets a lot of enjoyment out of choosing their food, or who needs the right texture in order to enjoy their food, they might prioritize doing the shopping themself.
Then they’re back to the choice of doing it the harder way or the easier way - and phrasing it like that makes it sound like there’s a “right” answer when there’s not. If they need the movement, maybe walking is the right choice. And if they’re just not able to cope with how people look at them that day, maybe walking is still the best choice - and maybe they’ll lean on the cart instead of carrying a basket. On the other hand, maybe they have five more exhausting things to do that day, and it’s worth dealing with people’s faces to not be in pain at the end of the day.
The right choice is individual. It’s all about what works for us on that day.
Making Life Sustainable
So what does it mean for something to work for us? Ideally? It’s sustainable. We can’t push at 100% all the time. We can’t be constantly borrowing against tomorrow. That way leads to exhaustion, pain flares, and chronic conditions getting exacerbated, and new injuries.
We also probably don’t want to be riding a roller coaster - pushing hard on the good days can lead to worse days, and it gets to be a cycle of overdoing it and collapsing.
A sustainable model would be starting each day fresh at our baseline, doing what we can during the day, and finishing the day without having expended more than can be refreshed with a night’s sleep. Yeah, I know - that’s the dream. But it’s worth thinking about ways to tweak until we’re closer to that ideal.
As we go through our day, can we check in with ourselves to see how we’re doing, energy-wise? Using whatever metaphor works for you - battery meter, number of spoons, lives left, gas in the tank, 1-10 scale - what level are you at starting the day? What level before you start something, and what level after? How much can you use before taking a rest? How much can you do without borrowing from tomorrow?
And then, see how it worked out. Did you wear yourself out more than expected? What changes could have made a difference there? Did you need to rest sooner, sit down one more time, or skip that last basket of laundry? Was there something that cost more than expected, or less energy available than you’d realized? Use that knowledge and try to find the right balance again tomorrow, knowing that there will always be harder days and easier days.
Resting
Our culture isn’t exactly pro-rest, but it’s so essential - all the more so when energy is limited. Want to hear all about how rest is essential, deserved, and even political? Check out the Nap Ministry. Taking care of your body is a form of activism too, especially when you’re part of marginalized groups. Check in with yourself before and after rests, too - what helps most?
Maybe you need to sit down and catch your breath. Maybe laying down and closing your eyes. Maybe doing meditation or prayer in a way that fits with your spiritual practice. Maybe listening to music. Maybe a full-on nap. What does your body need to get your nervous system settled, your muscles recovered, and your brain cleared?
Whatever type of rest you need, taking that rest before your battery is completely drained will make it easier to recharge faster. If you wear yourself out completely before resting, odds are that it’ll make it harder to recharge enough to get through the day without being so exhausted that you can’t recover completely overnight.
With adequate rest, and attention to choices we’re making, it’s possible to pace ourselves well enough to avoid many crashes and flares. Life and bodies are unpredictable so it’ll never be perfect, but there’s usually room for improvement.
Internalized Ableism
This is all very practical, right? It’s reasonable, and makes sense if all we’re considering is energy expenditure and activities. It’s practical to do less, take breaks, and get support when it could help us be less exhausted and in less pain. But I think I can hear people screaming at me as I write, telling me that its just NOT. THAT. EASY. And yeah, it’s not - because Feelings.
Even thinking about pacing can bring up huge emotions. For most of us, there’s a reason that we have limited energy, and that reason often has to do with pain, disability, chronic illness, and so on. Complicated feelings can include
Anger at our body’s betrayal
Grief for losing what we used to be able to do, or what we never had
Burnout from pushing past the breaking point for far too long
Shame from not meeting society’s standards for what we “should” be able to do
Fear of losing function and losing security, or so much more
Injured pride that we “shouldn’t” need help
Denial of our limitations or that we may have disability
Often using strategies like pacing or mobility aids feels like accepting that we’re limited, and maybe even accepting that we’re disabled. If we’re not ready to accept disability, we may fight using any strategies that would make our life easier in an attempt to fight the disability itself. It’s not logical, but that’s how emotions work. If we’ve internalized society’s messaging that disability is something bad to be afraid of or ashamed of, then taking any steps towards accepting disability in ourselves can be a huge endeavor.
If you’re having trouble pacing yourself because part of you can’t admit that you need to, you may want to consider whether you have internalized ableism to unpack. Why is it bad to do things that help you? Why is it bad to need help? Where are these beliefs coming from? Are they beliefs you want to keep? And if not, what will help change those mental habits? Journaling is a classic tool, as is therapy. (Bonuse if it’s an occupational therapist who works in mental health, lol)
My hope for you is that you find your way towards a life that’s sustainable and avoid the bulk of the pain flares and energy crashes. I hope that you find your way through the world’s ableism and any ableism you’ve internalized. I hope you build a life that works for you and aligns with your values.
And if you need help, working your way through it all, I’d love to see your for an appointment. Click the button to schedule a somatic therapy session.
